Johnnie Live19749

Years ago in the seventies, I knew a chap who lived in the Seychelles. He had spent most of his life in the islands and was therefore something of an expert when it came to life on the water. A very dear friend of his, and a particularly popular character in the islands, died peacefully in his sleep, and upon reading his last will and testament it became apparent that he wished to be buried at sea.

Billy made it clear that he wanted no fuss, just a quiet and dignified sea burial with his dearest friends present in the boat. No problem, they all thought. Four of them set about trying to find a boat large enough to accommodate Billy and four friends as pall bearers, or rowers to be more accurate. They dressed Billy in his best suit and weighted his body, which they had rolled tightly in a canvas sail, with a collection of anchor chains.

Prior to loading the body into the boat they had all consumed several pints of alcahol on the beach. Just before sunset they loaded Billy and themselves into the boat and set out for open sea. On the way out they sang seafaring hymns such as Those In Peril on the Sea and other appropriate shanties, and told Billy stories, and when they were sufficiently far from shore, they pitched dear old Bill over the side and waited for him to sink.

Unfortunately, Billy did not sink. In fact, he proceeded to chase the boat round and round in circles, riding the wake, while the two chums in the rear tried to reach Billys corpse with an anchor hook. By now the imbeciles in the boat had begun to see the comical side to this solemn occasion and began laughing uncontrollably, making the body recovery almost impossible.

They had been out for some while by now and it was soon certain that if they did not row a little faster, Billy was going to beat them back to the beach on the returning tide. They arrived back on the sandy beach, crawling across the sand from the boat in a state of hysteria, to find a local policeman, looking very stern, standing over Billys corpse, which was covered in seaweed and baby crabs.

The officer demanded to see the death certificate, which of course none of them could produce, and they were all carted off to the police cells until the proper documentation could be produced. Billy was duly buried at sea the following day, with a little more dignity but nowhere near so much comedy.

Jan Gamm writes reflections on life with an emphasis on world travel. She has lived in many countries and traveled extensively in the Far East, the Middle East, America, South America and throughout the South Pacific. She writes for fun and for money whenever she can manage it.